who?them?sorry,i dont know them..

it all started when dad gave a call at night,when im watching the television.
asking me why i didn’t join kak ida and kak ani to aus birthday celebration.
i was like “huh?celebration?when?”
and he answered they just finished celebrating

OMG!what’s wrong with them?
then,i started to msged kak ani saying that “asal pegy umah mak celebrate birthday aus kat umah mak tk bilang?hine sgt ke muke ni smpai kak ida tk nk tngok?”
i was frustrated and at the same time feeling upset.
why they didint tell me anything?

then.kak ani reply saying”aku pun tk tau.they just call me and asked me to come.so i did.eh,yg kau nk bising2 ngan aku ni knape?msg kak ida ar trus.tk buang current.knw whr is ur manners sal”
WTF .DOES SHE KNOW HOW TO READ?
after that i msged kak ida asking why.
what i get in reply was,vulgarities(frm kak ani) and kak ida’s only reply was(though i sent her a few different msges) “kau tau manners ke kau da lupe?know your manners”

ok what i sent her was “why you didnt tell me you and the rest celebrate birthday?hine sgt ke nk bilang?”
is it too much?way too much?

actually kak ani msged me alot,but i cant remember,just can’t be bothered to remember or keep in my inbox.
she called me,asking what’s my problem towards her and asking why now i ask for her+ kak ida..
hello..come on..before this its the same,you and kak ida simply cant be bothered about me.even before i got to know norfi(fuck u!)
and abg fhirzan msged me,told me that “nobody is looking down at anyone.if u feel that way,there is nothing we can do.u cantell this to whoever is concerned-abg fhirzan”
is he trying to help or not?cause it doesnt hep at all..
i asked him”i just wanna knw why,and she did not reply my msges since the day that i came down to ur house..”
he rplied,”i told her not to reply..”
WTF!!!!
And i reply”ok.then tell me why..
he reply again”1st of all,let me emphasize that nobody is looking down on anybody.but each individual has thier own mindset and thoughts.to u maybe doing a particular thing is ok..but to kak ia is not ok.so who is right or who is wrong?the answer is NOBODY as like i said evrybody has their own views.so conflict will arise if both individualcannot reach a compromise.so to resolve this conflict i told kak ida to mind her own business as i dont want to get her stressed anymore.i think she tried her best.”

is he trying to break us up??!GTH!
i repled”well said thanks.won’t disturb her again and don’t invite me if u dont wish”
abg izan reply”of cause its well said.coz i have to o thru the pain seeing her stress again and during pregnancy.u may see me or her smile but that’s only on the surface”
hah!whatever…..

there’s a few morw msges that abg izan sent me but i just cant be bothere to reply to those cant be bothered about me..
so now..i only know mom,dad,me etc,exclude kak ida n aabg izan n “my beloved sister-kak ani”

ok..now u know the story..
i warn u,dont u dare to msg them anymore,because I DON’T KNOW THEM!

I HAVE YOU NW,U CAN MAKE ME HAPPY.U CAN GUIDE ME.ALL I NEED IS U NOW..

IM SORRY IF I SHOUT AT U ETC..IM SORRY..
LOVE U..

ROTI PRATA TELUR WITH SAMBAL BELACAN??

OH GOSH!

HAHA…!I CANT STOP MYSELF FROM LAUGH MY ASS OUT WHEN THAT LIL’”CUTE” INDIAN MAN OFFER MY SIS SAMBAL BELACAN WHEN SHE ASKED FOR SAMBAL TUMIS AND FOR THE FACT THAT THE SAMBAL TUMIS IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE THAT HOUR..

UNCLE,JUST THINK FOR A MOMENT…….WILL YOU EAT ROTI PRATA TELUR WITH SAMBAL BELACAN??

GOSH!THE SCENE KEPT PLAYING IN MY MIND.ABG WAS STUNNED.KAK ANI STOPPED EATING,I WAS DRINKING MY TEH TARIK WHEN HE OFFERED THE SAMBAL BELACAN..IT DOESNT END THERE..HE WAS SO EAGER TO PROVIDE THE BEST SERVICE HE COULD TILL HE WENT TO THE KITCHEN TO CHECK IF THERE IS ANY SAMBAL FOR KAK NOR..SAMBAL BELACAN OUT,NEXT WAS SAMBAL NASI AYAM..GOSH!HIS FACE WAS INNOCENT!GOD!I KEPT SLAPING KAK NOR’S ARM SEYH!TAK TAHAN BABE!

AND THAT UNCLE CAN EVEN SMILE TO US WHEN HE SAW US LAUGHING AWAY,HOLDING THAT PLATE,HE ASKED AGAIN “SO WHAT SAMBAL DO YOU WANT NOW?”

TIRED OF LAUGHING,WE WHEN HOME,CANT STOPPED LAUGHING.BUT AFTER WE SAW A POLICE WE QUICKLY FASTERN OUR SEAT BELT AND KEPT QUITE WHILE LISTENING TO THE MUSIC..

END OF STORY

HAH!THANKS UNCLE!YOU’VE MADE MY DAY LA!

SUDOKU,BF,GF,FOOD,CHOC,SILAT AND FAMILY

TAUGHT MY SISTER HOW TO PLAY SUDOKU..AND NOW BOTH OF US ADDICTED TO SUDOKU N TAKING TURNS TO PLAY USING PSP..THOUGH IT MAY SOUND WEIRD AND SEEMS DIFFICULT,ONCE U GET HAND OF IT,U’LL ENJOY IT.BUT I’LL ALWAYS GET HEADACHE AFTER I PLAYED ABOUT 2 OR 3 GAMES..ITS THE FEELING OF SATISFACTION..HAHA

NOW,IF IM BORED,OR WAITING FOR HIS CALL OR MSG,I WILL PLAY SUDOKU..!HAHA!ITS TIME TO EXCERSICE MY BRAIN..HAHA..

NOW,ABOUT BOYFRIEND..

MET HIM YESTERDAY BEFORE HE WENT TO WORK,I PASSED HIM HIS ANNIVERSARY GIFT,THE 50X70 FRAME,FILLED WITH THE MOVIE TICKETS WE WATCHED TOGATHER..

BIG ARH..HAHA!I WRAPPED IT WITH PAPER AND DECO IT WITH HEARTS..LAME UH..BUT NVM..FOR HIM..

HE WAS SPEECHLESS.WHY?I DONT KNOW,ITS NOTHING SPECIAL..ITS SOMETHING THAT I THINK WE NEED TO KEEP AND TREASURE..RIGHT HONEY..

ITS A SMALL GIFT..HOPE U LIKE IT..

GIRLFRIENDS KEEP ASKING HOW AM I,AND HABE BEEDN ASKING ME OUT.I AM SORRY BABES..I AM BROKE RIGHT NW.END OF THE MONTH CAN?WELL YEAH..MISS THOSE CRAPPY TIMES,NAMES WE CALL EACH OTHER,THE CAMWHORING MOMENTS ETC..THOUGHT WANNA WATCH MOVIE WITH U ALLOR MAYBE WE GO KARAOKE OR SOMETHING?REMEMBER THE THINGS WE WISH WE CAN DO/GO?HAHA!HOPE WE WILL ONE DAY..INSYA’ALLAH..

TALKING ABOUT MOVIES..THOUGHT WANNA WATCH MOVIE WITH SIS ATIQ..BUT IM BROKE!!HUHU..MOREOVER MOST OFTHE MOVIE I ALREADY WATCHED..HMM..SHALL WAIT FOR NEW MOVIES..

CHOCHOLATE!CHOCHOLATE!THAT’S ALL I WANT..!HAHA..BEEN EATING A LOT OF CHOCOLATE SEY..AND I GAINED WEIGHT..ERGH!NVM..IM HAPPY NOW.WITH MY LOVED ONES..MUACH!

BTW I MISS THOSE TIME WHERE THE SPOTLIGHTS ON ME..I MEAN WHILE IM DANCING..I WISH I CAN GO BACK TO THE DANCEFLOOR,BUT SADLY ENOUGH,MY CREW BROKE OFF..SO NO ONE TO DANCE WITH..I’VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR A NEW GROUP..NOT RECRUTING BUT I WANNA JOIN OTHER CREW.

I MAYBE I WANNA GO FOR A NEW SILAT GROUP..HMM..DONT KNW HOW..MAYBE CONTINUE,SINCE EVERYONE KNEW WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME AND NORFIRDAUS..TALKING ABOUT NORFI.HE IS NOW IN SGH.I DONT KNOW WHAT KIND OF SICKNESS BUT YEAH..IT SEEMS THAT HE DONT WANNA ME TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIM..ITS OK..I AM NOT HERE TO BE ENEMY TO ANYONE..

AND ABOUT MENDAKI..I DONT KNOW..MAYBE WANNA G TO 4PM..

HEHE..

I THINK ITS ABOUT TIME TO CHANGE EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE..CHANGE N LET THE PASS BE MEMORIES..

NOW LETS TALK ABOUT FAMILY..

KAK IDA HAD HER MISCARRIAGE.ITS A PURPOSE MISCARRIAGE.DOCTOR ADVISED HER TO,BECAUSE THE BABY WAS OUTSIDE THE WOMB AND IT MAY LEAD TO DEATH IF SHE STILL WANT TO CONTINUE.THE DOCTOR SAID SHE WAS NOT STRONG.I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE DOCTOR MEANT.NOW SHE FEELS STRESS AND DEPRESS..BEEN RESTING AT HOME..I PUTY HER.BUT SHE LIKE DONT WANT TO TALK AND EVEN REPLY TO MY SMS…I AM SORRY KAK IDA..I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU..

KAK ANA IS BACK..INSYIRAH IS BACK..BOTH OF THEM IS SAFE..HAHA!MIA FOR ABOUT 1 MONTH..NOW EVERYTHING OK.,

WHILE OTHERS OK..NOTHING MUCH TO SAY..

ME?LIKE THIS NO CHANGES..BUT LATELY MY MOOD SWING IS GETTING TERRIBLE..FIFI..IM SOO SORRY..AND TO OTHERS IM SORRY IF I HAVE BEEN LIKE A STEP MOTHER TO U ALL,SHOUTING TO U ALL..HEHE..

OK THAT’S ALL..

ITS SUDOKU TIME..HEHE..

LOVE U ALL..MUAH!

LETS GET IT STARTED!!!~AWWWW…

LETS GET THE PARTY STARTED!!

I LOVE U..!!

CELEBRATED OUR ANNIVERSARY TOGATHER.IT WAS FUN.THANKS FOR EVERYTHING..

I CANT SAY ANYTHING..I LOVE U SOO MUCH..

TO MUHAMED NORFIRDAUS BIN MUHAMED ISMAIL…IM SORRY..ITS OVER..JUS MOVE ON OK.,

TO SIS ATIQ..ALL THE BEST..U HAVE MY SUPPORT OK..?LOVE U..

TO MUHAMAD FIRDAUS BIN ISHAK..I LOVE U SOO MUCH N WONT LET U GO..REALLY..TO ALL WHO KNWS WHAT HAPPEND TO US..THANK U FOR UR SUPPORTS..I LOVE U ALL..

NOW..LETS GET THINGS GOING AGAIN..START ALL OVER AGAIN..IM IN LOVE,LIKE THE FIRST TIME IM IN LOVE WITH U..MUACKZ!

INSYA’ALLAH IF GOD PERMITS WE GONNA BE TOGATHER ONE DAY..AMIN..

TO THOSE BITCHES~BACK OFF FROM MY RELATIONSHIP.FIND UR OWN HAPPINESS N UR OWN MAN.

im sorry

SORRY..I THINK WE ARE IN THE DIFFERENT PATH NOW..

U JUST HAVE TO DO YOUR OWN THINGS AND N I DO MINE.

I DONT WANT TO HURT U ANYMORE.

I M TIRED.I APRRIECIATE WHAT U HAVE DONE TO ME.IM SORRY..

LIFE HAVE TO MOVE ON.IM SORRY IM NT FOR YOU.

I LOVE U.

BUT IS NT LIKE BEFORE.ITS FADED.I THINK I CANT TAKE IT ANY LONGER.THE SCAR IN MY HEART CAN NEVER HEAL.I MAY LOOK FINE BUT INSIDE NO.I CANT KEEP DENYING TO MYSELF,TO LOVE U WHEN IM NOT.YES U HAVE CHANGED BUT ITS TOO LATE.IM HAPPY COZ UR FAMILY FINALLY CAN ACCEPT U IN THE RELATIONSHIP.SO U JUST FINE OTHER BETTER GIRLS OK HONEY..?THANKS FOR THE TIME U’VE SPENT WITH ME,THE MONEY,THE TEARS.I LOVE U..U TAKE CARE..

ANYTHING FINE ME ONLINE.

I JUST DONT KNW WHAT TO DO.

LETS BE FRIENDS.
IM SORRY..

TELL ATIQ N PUTERI THAT I LOVES THEM.SOO MUCH.ITS JUST THAT THINGS DOESNT WORK OUT WELL.N SHALL MEET ALL OF U WEN IM FREE OK.?

I LOVE U FI.

I LOVE ATIQ.

I LOVE PUTERI.

IM SORRY..

LET GO BABEYH!

I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU!I LOVE YOU..

I DONT KNW WHY I START TO MISS U EVERY NOW AND DEN.WE ARE REACHING OUR FIRST YEAR ANNIVERSARY..LOOKING FORWARD FOR THAT DAY..(ACTUALLY THE DAY AFTER OUR ANNIVERSARY,1 DAY LATE BECAUSE I DONT WANT HIM TO SKIP HIS SCHOOL JUST BECAUSE TO CELEBRATE OUR ANNIVERSARY..PFFT!)WHAT YOU TOLD ME IS TRUE.WE SHOULD START LOOKING FORWARD FOR OUR SECOND YEAR ANNIVERSARY WHEN WE REACH OUR 1YR 6 MONTHS ANNIVERSARY.AT THAT POINT OF TIME BOTH OF US WIL REFLECTS ON OUR MISTAKES AND OUR RESPONSIBILITIES IN ORDER FOR IT TO KEEP ON GOING SMOOTHLY.IM IMPRESSED.BECAUSE YOU HAVE THAT THINKING WHEN I DONT HAVE.MEMPERBAIKI PERHUBUNGAN ADELAH SATU CARE YG BAEK SUPAYE KITE LEBIH MEMAHAMI ANTARE SATU SAME LAEN DAN TAHU SALAH DAN KEBURUKKAN MASING-MASING.THAT’S MY MAN!I LOVE YOU!

COUNTING EVERY DAYS,EVERY SECONDS EVERY TICKS OF THE LIFE..

GOD!MY HEART BEATS FASTER AND FASTER..BUT ITS SLOWS DOWN EVERY TIME I THINK OF YOUR MOTHER.BUT ITS OK.THERE IS A SAYING..KALAU ADA JODOH TAK KN KE MANE..RYTE HONEY!?

SO NOW,IM READY TO FACE EVERYTHING.IM STRONGER DEN YESTERDAY(THAT DOESNT MEAN U CAN HURT ME AGAIN) ITS JUST THAT WHAT MY FRIEND TOLD ME IS TRUE.ABOUT MY LIFE.MY FUTURETO BE SPECIFIC ABOUT MAKING MYSELF AND OTHERS HAPPY..

THIS IS WHAT WE TALKED ABOUT THE OTHER DAY..MAKIN SENSE THOUGH..HERE IT GOES..

FRIEND:ok=)…….tell me seriously…….if u had ur choice izzit ur guy or ur life are important?? U prefer to be happy or making other happy…….?

ME:its a difficult choice..i want others to be happy.n i wan to be happy too…

FRIEND:Ya i noe that’s rite…….but does people noe that u’re happy by making them happy makes u feel more happy??? no rite…… Think bout it…..

ME:

hmm..u gt that point..

but..

shud we be selfish? 

FRIEND:

Not always………sumtimes u have to in order 4 u to be happy……

Smile from the heart is much more better than the smile on the face….get it?

WELL..HE JUST KILL MY WORDS..WHAT I MEANT BY THINKING ABOUT THE FUTURE IS THINKING OF MY FAMILY,MY SCHOOL,MY JOB,MY LOVED ONES.AND INSYA’ALLAH.IF GOD PERMITS,I WANT TO START TO WEAR TUDUNG.THIS TIME ROUND I REALLY MEAN.NO ONE WILL EVER STOP ME AGAIN.

WELL BIBI..LETS GET GOING!

ITS A LONG WAY TO GO.I JUST NEED TO BE PATIENT,AND ALWAYS,ALWAYS PRAY FOR HIS BLESSING AND GUIDANCE.

SO NOW,I REALLY WANNA CHANGE.I HOPE PEOPLE WILL GUIDE ME.PEOPLE WILL ACCEPT ME.

TO MUHAMAD FIRDAUS.LOVING U ALWAYS BEEN PART OF ME.CARE ABOUT U IS ALWAYS BEEN MY JOB.TO STAY TRUE IS ALWYAS BEEN MY PROMISE AND MY NEEDS.I LOVE U SOO MUCH.

LET GO HONEY!LETS GET THINGS STARTED AND FOCUS ON OUR RESPONSIBILITIES.

TO ATIQ.THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.PREVIOUSLY I THOUGHT U WILL FOREVER HATE ME AND WILL NEVER TALK TO ME.BUT SIS.I REALLY LOVE TALKING WITH U.NOW I WILL NEVER BE ALONE CAUSE I KNOW U’LL THERE FOR MR,TO LISTEN TO MY MISERIES ETC THOUGH ITS SOMETIMES CRAPPY..

TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF OK..LOVE U SIS..I DO..

TO EVERYONE.LET GO BABEYH!ITS NOT END OF THE WORLD YET.LET BE HAPPY!

BTW,BTW…I JOINED SILAT BACK!WOHOOO!!!I LOVE IT..I LIKE IT..IM GONNA GRAB THAT TITLE OF “SRIKANDI” AGAIN..!YEAH!..WELL..MY PRACTICE DAYIS ON FRIDAY..8PM TO 10 PM..OK LAH..GEREK..! ITS CALLED SENDENG SETURUT.WELL GERAK BAYANGAN SEE YOU SOON.TO AMIN.NASUHA AND ALIF,IM BACK BABEYH!!

NOTHING CAN CAHNGE ME THE WAY I LOVE U HONEY.NOTING CAN STOP ME THIS TIME.LOVE YOU.I DO.BOY!U REALLY KILLING ME!

new friend:thanks for everything.see you around.=)

*I ONLY GET JEALOUS BECAUSE I LOVE YOU,AND I DONT WANT NOBODY ELSE TO HAVE YOU*

AND I THOUGHT, I WILL NEVER GO THROUGH ALL THIS AGAIN AFTER THE LAST,THAT U HAVE PROMISED,YOU WILL NEVER DO IT.HOW TERRIBLE I FEEL.HOW I WAS BEING FOOLED BY YOU AGAIN.

I WAS HELPLESS AND MY HOPE WERE VANISHED AT THAT POINT OF TIME.THINKING THROUGH HOW GREAT WAS YOUR ACTING IN FRONT ME,AS IF YOU DID NOTHING.

HOW GREAT IS ALLAH,TO SHOW ME YOUR DISHONESTY.AND I HOPE HE WILL PUNISH YOU FOR ALL YOU DID.NEITHER I WANT U TO SUFFER,HOWEVER I JUST NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND HOW IT FEELS.

YES..I TOLD YOU THAT “I’M OK HONEY” ON THE OTHER HAND,ONLY ALLAH KNOWS BETTER.

MAYBE THIS IS MY WEAKNESSES,MAYBE THIS IS THE WAY I WAS BEING BROUGHT UP.I CANT REVENGE.I CANT BE ANGRY FOR TOO LONG.I SIMPLY CANT MAKE YOU TO FEEL SAD OR ANGRY.I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY,YUP.I MEAN,FOR YOU TO BE HAPPY.

THE RELATIONSHIP THAT WE HOLD ON TO,ALMOST A YEAR NOW.BUT I SIMPLY CANT STOP THINKING WHY,WHY U KEEP DOING THIS.WITH THE NAME OF ALLAH,I REALLY MEAN,I STILL CANT FIND THE ANSWER FOR THAT QUESTION.

I CANT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU CANT PUT AWAY THAT TEMPTATIONS TO KNOW AND GET CLOSE WITH THOSE BITCHES,WHILE I CAN END THE RELATIONSHIP I HAD DURING WITH YOU,THE RELATIONSHIP I HAD WITH THAT ‘GUY’ FOR ALMOST 8 YEARS.

READ MY TITLE FIRDAUS.I REALLY TAKING THINGS SERIOUSLY.

I JUST DONT KNOW WHY,WHY EVERYTIME I WANT TO TELL YOU ALL THIS FACE TO FACE WITH YOU,MY TONGUE FEELS NUMB,MY LIPS FEELS HEAVY.

AND I HOPE THROUGH THIS,YOU UNDERSTANDS AND KNOW WHAT MY HEART FEELS..

**Lately, I’ve been tryna fight whatever’s pulling us under
it’s got a hold and really making me wonder
what it takes to get through
I gotta stick with you, my baby
Baby tell me:
Maybe I’m foolishly overreacting
But being without you I can’t imagine
It’s just to close to the heart and
And I won’t stand it if were broken apart
Oh No!!

Do you hear me?
Baby you gotta believe in the things that make you & me win together
Don’t you throw in the towel
I’m keeping my promise to you I got ya back now
When the chips are down and
It seems like it’s so hard for you to move ahead
Just know that I am by your side
there ain’t no ifs, buts, or maybes,
I’m gonna stay down and ride for you baby

We’ve been cutting it close with the backwards & forwards
This is rocking the boat; we gotta get control of this
Let’s take it back to three years ago
When you said that we could make it through whatever, ever
And to me it sounded like you meant forever, ever
Leaving was not an option, baby, never, never
Now don’t you believe in a love that’s worth a fight
In you is everything that I’m missing
So give us a chance

I’m gonna stay down and ride for you baby

Don’t you dare tell me we gotta let it go…
We been on top for too long just to let it go under
I don’t wanna hear that
I just can’t hear that
No
Wherever you wanna take me
I’ll go
I been with you for too long to start over with another
I know that you hear me
Just tell me you hear me

I’m keeping my promise to you I got ya back now

I’m gonna stay down and ride for you baby

*to muhamad firdaus,i dont know what else should i do,for you to trust my love and stay with..whatever happens,i still love you..*

**happy 11 months honey..nxt month gonna be our first year..love you so much..080707**